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Not sure how to begin this post. A dandelion tower just drifted across my keyboard. The sounds of the cars on the road behind me and the a/c unit you have to consciously block out to hear the wind rustling between the trees. I’ve been waking up before my alarm, with vivid dreams. I can’t remember them when I wake up. Only bits and pieces. It’s always a person. Maybe I’m talking to my sister. Or maybe I’m slamming my feet into the black concrete road, chasing my dog. It all went away when I fused Maxwell, sugar, and milk together, 30 minutes before work. I absolutely love my new job. The church bells in the square reverberant and slow like that doorbell we all know. Those church bells summons you, and every hour the bells remind you.

Picture 23

I just finished working on this latest crochet top and during my sick time I wanted to see what I could come up with, using the v-stitch. I started making “fans”, which i learned later. I always encourage others to trust their instincts, i think this is the best way to learn things. I just started to add double crochets to every other v-stitch, and they became fans, which I thought looked like eucalyptus leaves. I then went online to look for other variations of what I was doing, and found applicable patterns to follow. The Strawberry Fields Crop Top is a little big on me around, I’m literally 23 inches around my rib cage so this would definately fit a normal sized person. I think a B cup at the most.

I’ve also been thinking alot about adding charity events through my crochet. But I’m talking big scale here. I’m talking about saving elephant habitats, but i’m also talking about donating money to nonprofit vet organizations, that specialize in saving animals. One of the best trades I ever got from crochet was having the funds to visit my family in florida, and see my dog, who hadn’t seen me in 3 years. It was really a surprise to him, because even when my mom told him I was coming, he didn’t understand her. When I tell you that I sat beside my dog for our reunion, he starred at me through his big round eyes, under his curly shaggy hair, and smiled, showing all his teeth. And then he scooted into my side and used his front legs to wrap around my arm, gripping my arm at the wrist. All the money I make with crochet right now actually goes to taking care of him, since he is a senior dog. Although it’s hard to see him like that. He is still Yu-gi-oh to me.  Here’s a video of my last day in Florida, you can see just how cute this guy is. WARNING! I’m pretty emotional here because it’s my last day in Florida.

I have one more idea for a crochet top that involves rainbow stars, and it includes a skirt piece attached to the top. So, I may actually never gt this done but I promised I’d draw a picture to show you what I mean. Also, check out my facebook page for more updates, because I don’t always share all my projects here. This is really a behind the scenes, in depth look on my crochet addiction!

I’ll be returning to work at the restaurant this Friday and Saturday, and I really don’t want to go. The vibes I get in there are not friendly. They are almost always condescending. But I keep thinking about all the things I can do with this cash every week – I can save save save, send money to my mom, get my dog the proper care. And it probably doesn’t help that my husband has not found a job. This has been really bothering me. I put over 50 hours of work, and I haven’t heard him talk about anything. I know he loves me very much. At one point, my face turned sour and I had to leave the room. I was full of contempt. Suddenly, the beauty of this spring day struck me, I walked barefoot to my hiding place by the tree and the fence. I was  fuming, because we never go outside. I was mad because he couldn’t find a secure job, in all the years we’ve been together. He’s never held a job for over a year. And this week, when we had no finances, and I was selling all my crochet things to friends who’d pity me, i blamed him. For not taking better care of us, and for having no ambition. I felt fierce in my rage, I didn’t even hear him come up to check on me. It shocked me, all the love and concern on his face. “Why are you scowling like that?” He asked suddenly. I immediately turned away, I didn’t know what to say. I know that his real dream was to join the marines, but president Obama passed a stupid law, and now he couldn’t join a branch he had trained his whole life for. He had dreams. We all have dreams. Shattered dreams can leave a person empty. “Talk to me,” he asked nicely, but that quickly vanished when a word would not come through my lips. “What is wrong with you? It’s such a pretty day and you look pissed off.” I felt the anger in my forehead, in the crease of my eyes, and the crinkle in my nose. I confessed how I flared up at the thought that I couldn’t quit my job. I didn’t mention how self-sacrificing it felt. I admitted to how disappointing it was that we failed to save money, at a time when we got sick with the flu and ran out of money to buy food and even pay rent. Perhaps I shouldn’t reveal so much. My husband would disapprove of me airing out my dirty laundry this way, but if you’ve ever been in a deep relationship, then you know how lack of finances and security can drive a stake through a couple. And I also offer budget tips on my blog.

robin

He left me alone after that, as hard as a stone by the tree and the fence. I didn’t even notice him gone until a red breasted bird flew very close to me. I heard his mighty wings and marveled at the big belly robin, dressed for spring. He dived across the street. Moments later, the church bell rings. It reminds me suddenly that I was living my life, and my life was determined on what I paused to reflect on.

Money isn’t everything.

And the door opened again, a curious lover peeked out the door, to check if I was okay. To see if I needed a hug.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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