I take what I have and downsize – then take what’s left and scale that down too.
The past 2 months I felt like I was sitting in the fetal position in my apartment, as everything around me starting exploding randomly. The glass vase with the roses next to the fine china tea cups crack violently, then erupt. Everything we had launches at me like grenades, hammering our beautiful city of romance. Every part of me wanted to breathe freely again. My hero appeared now like a wounded man, terribly afflicted by my lust. I looked sunken, praying silently as I nursed my injuries. We were physically and spiritually spent. He could hardly make out what had happened, and then suddenly aware, he’d howl in pain. The violent impact of heartbreak blew us back, and with strenuous effort, we held on to each other a little bit longer. There was the agony of expectation, it was only a matter of when.
I started reevaluating my clothes again. It was time for the purge. I put everything in a box that I haven’t worn in a year. Some items had sentimental value, so i put it in a Victoria secret bag and tucked away. I was being a wardrobe architect, and getting rid of anything that hindered growth. It was time for a new skin. I put away more clothes in a box, marked for trades. It was time to get new books too. I got rid of more yarn. I found a dress and some scrap yarn I was going to giveaway and decided to have a little fun. My brain latched onto this activity – anything to distract myself. It was my first attempt at edging a shirt, and trying a new stitch, or making pom poms.
This was always too big for me, but I held on to it anyways. Why did I have so many attachments to clothes? And yet again I was reminded that this journey is not about where we go or the things we have, but about the people we love.